How do you make a difference between being attached to someone and being in love with him? Lauren Martin explains the six major differences between love and attachment.
1. Love is burning, attachment is passive
It is often said that the feeling closest to love is hatred. After you break up with someone, that beautiful, altruistic love transforms into passionate and inexplicable hatred. When you are just attached to someone, you never feel this passion. You may be troubled by anxiety, irritation or anger, but these can never be confused with that intense sense of hatred.
2. Love is generous; attachment is centered on the self
When you love, everything is about the other person. For the first time in your life, you can put the needs of someone else before your own needs. When you are just attached to someone, you only want him to be there for you. You don’t pay too much attention to him, because you are more preoccupied with yourself. Everything that you do for your partner is also about yourself.
3. Love is not easy at all. Attachment is only difficult when you are apart
True love is never easy. Everything as intense as love will need much work and effort. You need to stimulate and nurture your love permanently. In case of attachment, however, nothing is there to be developed or nurtured. Attachment is about how many times you can see each other in a week. You need the other person. Like in the case of a drug, the feeling of happiness is not long-term, and soon a moment will come when you come back onto the ground again.
4. Love has a freeing effect; attachment is possessive
When you love, you don’t have to see your significant other to feel safe. You don’t have to be with that person to know what he or she feels like. You don’t doubt the love of the other person, and you are never truly jealous. When you are only attached to someone, the only time when you feel safe is when you are with him or her. When you are apart, you always would want to ask what he or she does and with whom.
5. Love gives you strength, attachment is only about power
There is nothing that can give you more strength and optimism than love. It gives you a new sense of freedom, and fills you with revitalizing energy. When you feel only an attachment, your relationship becomes a battleground for power. You want to make sure that you are the one in the relationship who is not abandoned. You want to lead, and you want to be the dominant party.
6. Love is endless, attachment is temporary
When you are in love, and I mean, really in love, whether your relationship is working or not, this person will always remain the love of your life. Attachment doesn’t work this way. It always has a deadline, and it is always in standby. Attachment is like a prison for love. Soon, one of you will find true love, and the attachment between you and the other person will fall apart as fast as it was built. True love doesn’t collapse, but remains with you forever.